Suicide Note
by Direwolf Type Zero
Summary: Sasuke couldn't stand this pain anymore. This aching feeling in his chest as he watched Itachi with his wife. He couldn't stand living with them. His love for his brother was tearing him into pieces. AU. Warning: Attempted Suicide.
1. Chapter 1

**Welcome back to the old Suicide Note story. Or well, the completely revised one.**

 **I first posted this story a little over three years ago, but lost the will to continue writing it about halfway through the actual story.**

 **I found the will to start writing again, but as soon as I learned this I couldn't find the original files of** _ **Suicide Note**_ **. So, here I am.**

 **Rewriting it.**

 **Things will be changed, though, due to the fact I cannot entirely remember the story's contents.**

Years ago, back when I first hit the ripe age of 13, I feared that what I felt was disgusting . this sexual desire for my brother, this deep seated need to be near him 24/7. The rush of feelings whenever contact was prolonged.

It was utterly disgusting and I wanted nothing to do with it, and took to avoiding my elder brother with every fiber of my being. We grew distant, even though we used to be the closest siblings. We had been each other's best friend's, and each other's shoulder to cry on if things were going particularly hard that day.

But that all changed because of this frustrating, grating feeling surrounding me. I was utterly disgusting, and I knew it.

Years passed and I still avoided my brother as much as possible, forcing myself into clipped responses and annoyed retorts whenever he even asked something of me. By now, he was used to these responses but that didn't mean I couldn't see the flash of pain in his eyes due to every one of my hate-filled words.

The hate wasn't directed towards him, though. No, it was entirely directed towards myself and my utter stupidity, directed towards these disgusting feelings I felt and couldn't get rid of.

But that was a couple of years ago, 6 years in fact. I've come to a shaky terms with these feelings and knew that it wasn't just this sexual desire I felt for him. I well, I loved him - not just that family, brotherly love either. I was _in_ love with him.

When I had come to that realization, I knew that I would never get over these feelings, even a little bit. I had been around 16 when I first realized this, and that had been three years after those feelings arose.

So, when I had come to that realization I stopped lashing out at my elder brother, and I stopped hating myself for the most part. I just… hid all of these feelings away rather than throw them out to the world and let anyone know. I hid the pain when my brother first introduced the family to his girlfriend, Sky.

Currently I'm 19, and Itachi - my elder brother - and Sky are now married. They're so happy, just looking at them you could tell that they absolutely adored each other. It's amazing to see Itachi smile like he used to. He rarely only smiled for me, back when we were younger. That reserved, secretive smile that he only ever shared with me.

I never get that smile anymore. Even though I stopped lashing out, that doesn't mean I'm on good terms with my brother and his wife. I still couldn't stay in the same room as them for more than an hour, if even that. I avoided them at all costs because every time he smiled at her or kissed her, I felt a stupid well of jealousy and pain.

It was on the eve of their anniversary that an announcement had been made at the dinner table. My father, even with stony and uncaring features, was completely surprised at this news and smiled. My mother looked like she was about to pass out, she was so happy. And I… well, I barely even registered their reactions due to the shocking amount of pain that hit me.

Sky and Itachi were… expecting. Jaw clenched, and shoving all of my dark jealousy and pain deep in the depths of my heart, I gave them a simple 'congratulations' before excusing myself from the kitchen table and nearly bolting upstairs, to my room. I shut the door, and leaned against it. Everything felt heavy in that moment, just the simple action of breathing hurt. This pain was unlike anything else I've ever felt.

The hours passed by rather quickly, and I knew that everyone was in bed. Itachi and Sky shared a room just a few doors down from my own, and my parents slept in a different wing of the house then ours, claiming they wanted to give their 'babies' some room.

Quiet as a mouse, I slipped out of my room and into the bathroom, clad in only a loose pair of pajama bottoms, and carrying a few items with me. Clicking the door shut and locking it, I drew in a shaky breath and double checked that I locked the door before laying the items out across the sink.

There, in all it's beauty, was a sole photo, and a pocket knife. Staring at the items on the sink, I frowned. How exactly… Shaking my head quickly, I sighed and reached forward to grip the knife and the photo again, before setting down onto the tiled floor with my back resting against the side of the tub.

Taking a deep breath, I stared at the photo that I had taken with me, glaring at the picture for a moment, before my gaze softened and stared at it almost longingly. The photo was of my and Itachi, back when I was around 9-10, and Itachi was 15-16. We were smiling in this picture, completely unaware of our mother taking it.

Sighing, I stared at the photo for some time, before I set it off to the side and tightened my grip around the handle of my pocket knife.

I flipped the blade and stared at it for several long minutes, it almost felt as if hours were slipping by by the time I decided to act. In a mechanical motion, I drew the sharp edge of the blade against my skin, but didn't press down hard enough to break skin. The cold metal sent shiver down my spine, but before I could back down from this, I ran the blade down the length of my arm with pressure this time.

Blood flowed freely from the wound, seeping over my pale skin and dripping down onto the tiled floor. A strangled noise left my lips, sounding like a muffled scream. Before I lost my strength, I dragged the blade clumsier down the length of my other arm, another barely muffled scream passing through my bitten lips.

I barely heard the banging on the door, and shouting, but it was distanced, as if it were coming from across the house rather than right outside the door. I blinked, once, twice, but the blurriness didn't fade from my vision. This numbed emptiness was a welcoming gift, free of the agony I faced daily living with the man I loved and his wife. Smiling faintly, my eyes fell closed just as the door banged open and a terrified scream shot through the air, a terrified scream of my name, coming from the person I loved with my entire being.

"Sasuke!"

 **Woohoo. No music quotes in this version. I forget the song I used last time ^^" don't be angry with me!**

 **Reviews are a must!**


	2. Chapter 2

Six months had passed since the day Sasuke had been found bleeding to death on the bathroom floor. Six, long and painful months. Due to the suicidal nature of Sasuke's actions, he had been locked away as soon as he was better, so that they could monitor Sasuke's health.

The one that had found Sasuke laying on the bathroom floor was Itachi.

Itachi hadn't been sleeping – but had been very close to that point – when he'd heard Sasuke's scream. It was instinct and fear alone that had Itachi up in seconds, bolting to where the noise had come from. It was odd that it had come from the bathroom – hadn't Sasuke already gone to bed?

The elder of the two siblings was currently waiting in the lobby of one of the mental wards, his back against a wall and his fingers absently playing with the necklace that wound around his neck.

By the time Itachi had busted the door open, Sasuke had screamed again. When Itachi was finally able to get into the bathroom, he was horrified at the sight that met him.

Blood.

There was blood everywhere. Covering the sink, the carpet, and the pair of pajamas that barely clung to Sasuke's far too skinny form. Itachi was in a state of shock, and couldn't even process what was happening in that moment. His little brother...

Today was the day that Sasuke was going to be let out of his blasted place – after, of course, being 'Cleared' by the doctors as stable enough to rejoin the world outside of his building. Itachi still couldn't believe it – that day had been the worst day of his life, where it should have been the happiest day of his life.

Two weeks after the Incident, Itachi and his wife had a major fall out. After Sasuke's injuries and his depression revealed, Itachi had begun hating himself for not noticing how his little brother had withdrawn in himself. He'd chalked Sasuke's major weight loss up for another one of the raven's diets. Itachi had noticed the dark circles under Sasuke's eyes but merely thought that the man had been up all night playing video games, or chatting with Naruto.

How very wrong he had been.

His mother's scream was what snapped him out of his dazed, shocked stare. In a moment, Itachi went from shock and into doctor mode. Grabbing as many thick towels as he could and kneeling onto the floor beside Sasuke's barely-breathing form, Itachi assessed the damage as professionally as he could. He shoved the towels onto the male's arms, putting pressure onto the wounds to slow the bleeding, whilst trying to simultaneously get the man to respond to anything- touch, sound, smell. Nothing got the dying man's attention and for a moment Itachi thought that all hope was lost.

That moment passed quickly as he'd snapped at his mother to call 911, knowing that the woman was probably in a similar state that he had been in. By the sound of the woman's muffled sobs, she had begun moving and was on the phone within seconds. Everything else was a blur, all Itachi knew was that his little brother had tried to kill himself, had been depressed for months, maybe years. And Itachi had been none the wiser.

The sound of footsteps echoed down the hall, and Itachi's heart was in his throat as he waited. He'd gotten nervous over nothing, though, as two orderlies passed by without giving Itachi so much as a second glance.

A sigh left the Uchiha's lips as he pondered a few things, his mind far away. That fight that he and his wife had, it had ended their relationship as abruptly as it had begun. The divorce was mutual, and both felt like it would be better this way. Itachi for his own personal reasons, and Sky because she knew exactly why Sasuke had done what he had, and why Itachi was far too deep for it to just be a brother's natural reaction. Not only that, but she doubted all this stress was good for the baby – she was positive that Itachi would be a great dad, but perhaps not with her.

Of course, she would never bar Itachi from see his child, though.

Five minutes turned to ten, and then to twenty. Finally, at the half hour mark, Itachi heard a voice he hadn't heard in those six, long months.

"'Tachi?" Sasuke's voice was hesitant, and very soft, but Itachi heard it right away. The male jerked his attention away from the tiled floor and up to meet Sasuke's very hesitant figure.

This man wasn't the same Sasuke he'd known six months ago. He looked far healthier, for one, and the look in his eyes isn't nearly as dark as it had been six months ago. Itachi was shocked for a moment, before he found an old smile curling his lips. It felt odd, smiling for the first time in six months.

"Sasuke." Itachi murmured, hesitating for only a moment before he took a few steps forward and opening his arms. It took Sasuke barely two seconds before he flung himself into his brother's embrace.

For the first time in six months, both had a real reason to smile, and they weren't going to give each other up for the world.


End file.
